I always thought of myself as a self-sufficient person. I can do it by myself, I don’t need people around to be content. I can go for walks alone, I enjoy working alone, whether it is cleaning the church in the quiet and solitude of a Saturday morning, late Friday evening or Sunday afternoon or in my day job. I enjoy being alone. “Have-audio-book-and-earbuds-no-problem” is my motto.
But I have to be honest, these last few weeks have been very hard. I miss Tuesday night Coffee Break (even though I don’t think we ever have coffee.) I miss the group of ladies who challenge me to do my Bible study and keep me centered in the Word. The rabbit trails we sometimes go down, the fun banter we have and the attributes Rita so much loves. I miss the group of people (women and man) that have given me the desire to do cardio drumming 3 days a week because they have so much enthusiasm! They really seem to enjoy themselves, and they have grown so much in a short time. They also give me so much more than they will ever know. I miss needing a reason to clean the church. With very few people here there really isn’t a lot to clean. I miss picking on John I. and punching Dan T. every Sunday. I miss looking over the pews to see who is sitting in “their” spot and who is sitting someplace else. (Can you believe that some people will sit anywhere?!) I miss seeing the faces of the children as they leave for children’s worship. But most of all I miss worshiping with all of you!
I know Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” But when Tom and I tune in to YouTube each week at 9:30, even though we are at church (because we don’t have internet at home) it’s not the same. It just doesn’t feel like worship should be. At first there wasn’t any music but that soon changed and that helped a bit, but singing with just Tom isn’t the same. I really miss the sound of all your voices singing. This past Sunday was extra hard. How can you sing “My Friends May You Grow in Grace” without your friends? As the piano started to play, all I could see was all of you crossing the aisles and holding hands, lifting them up together, singing “to God be the glory now and forever. Now and forever. Amen,” and I couldn’t sing.
I wake up every morning wondering if this is just a dream and then wonder what day it is. I can’t wait till the day we can all worship together again. When that day comes I hope we just sing. (Nothing against your preaching Pastor Tom and Pastor Bill). I hope we sing “Great is Thy Faithfulness” because God is faithful. “O Praise the Name” because we missed Easter together and that is another song where you all join in singing loudly, “O praise the name of the Lord our God, O praise his name for ever more for endless days we will sing his praise, O Lord O lord our God!” We should sing “What a Friend” because He has been our friend through these trials and isolation. “My Lighthouse” would be good because He is the “peace in the troubled sea” and He “shines in the darkness to bring us safe to shore.” And because through this time in life God’s been good to my soul we should sing, “Sing Wherever I go!” I really could go on but if you are like me, reading anything long on a cell phone is difficult. So I’ll leave you with some words from Matt Maher: “Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives every fear is gone. I know He holds my life, my future in His hands.” (“Because He lives”) We should close with “All the people said Amen.”
AMEN!
I guess I’m not as content to be alone as I thought.
Missing you all!
Becky